Season 4, Interlude
Pardon this interruption. But we have to take a slight detour in the middle of season 4.
I talk a lot about self care, inspiration for embracing this moment and building a tribe. I have never been more tested to practice what I preach than now.
My dad is dying of cancer. There was a moment when it felt like his stubbornness would pull him through or his deep commitment to following his truth. Neither have saved him but they are attributes that I admire and appreciate. He has chosen a path and has stuck to that in such a beautiful way.
And now he has passed.
The impossible balancing game of my husband and daughter, my dad and brothers, of all the admin and cooking dinners and the attempt to hold it all together now feels so far in the past.
Just yesterday I wrote:
As my father is passing I am learning to juggle more things than I thought possible. To delve deeper into the abyss of the unknown than I have ever wanted and to be held in that space. Maybe not always gracefully but There. Moments fighting the desire to take the reigns and navigate the course and others feeling embraced by the timelessness.
Now we sit, telling stories, reminiscing on his art and his meticulous craftsmanship.
Now we explore the nooks and crannies of his life, things tucked away in boxes. Wood and tools, notes and music, pictures and art. The way he saw the world...infused in us now.
Feel grateful for this quiet time. For the space to let him pass. For my heart to sit in stillness before all the tears and people come flooding in.
I don't know how I'll do it all. But I know it won't be alone. Even at death it takes a tribe to see it through. To parcel out his belongings, his life. To celebrate his story. To come together in community.
The next phase. The transition is upon us now. And in this moment all I can do is share this with you. This is how I can begin to process. To write, to read, the spoken word somehow healing to help me move through.
Thank you life. Thank you Universe for blessing me with him. Thank you for this moment of peace. Thank you Dad for all you have given and been.
I love you.
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A Few Notes From My Dad