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Is this sustainable?
Season 1, Episode 7
[DISPLAY_ULTIMATE_PLUS]
It's the second to the last episode, if you've listened to all previous 6 you should know me pretty well by now. My mom and most of those in her generation are weirded out and concerned about this openness on the internet. That I have shared so much about my life to strangers is baffling to her. Admittedly it is a bit for me too. But it's not meant to be about me, yes it's me speaking and my world that I am using as an example, but this project is about being a voice that perhaps gives voice to other women and mamas out there that it is okay to not have all the answers. It's okay, no it's great, to do things that make you happy and find a solution that works for you. That there is no set of rules that you have to follow but your own internal north star. And that takes guts and having a group of people you can lean on and say back to you, "hell ya. you got this."
So here we go, episode 7, is this sustainable? I'm your host Rachel Maskell and in today's episode you will hear me being interviewed by my sis covering some burning questions like "will I ever get settled?..."
R: Hi Brook...how you doing?
B: Hi Rachel...I'm doing good
R: so you know what we're doing right? Are you ready?
B: Yeah, I'm ready. I'm going to ask you some questions and you're going to think real hard and answer them.
R: Or how bout I not think so much and just see what comes out? I'm feeling slightly nervous about this.
(music: this is my life)
B: So the big one, which I think you get asked a lot or which I think about asking you a lot and your answer always changes...Do you want another one? Another child?
R: yeah, this is a big one and it's really funny to me because, and I talked about it in the end of the last episode. I got asked this right after she was born a lot. And I think that's such a random thing to do. Why would you...some people I guess know right away they want so many. But wait, I just had one, why am I thinking about two or more before I have even landed with this one? But, yeah, it kinda makes my mind go blank. I think at this point, I am kinda like, maybe, maybe, maybe. But at this point in our lives because we have been traveling so much that it feels crazy to even entertain the idea. I think about all my other friends that have their second one now or they are planning on having more, and I would say the trend of all of these people is: they have a house, that they have either bought or are properly settled into. They are on a pretty strong career path, and they have a support network around them. And I would say that I can't really check any of those boxes. That's what makes me say, "maybe not right now." And not to say that you need any of those things to have kids or even more than one, but for me personally those feel like some foundational things to be able to juggle more than one kid. So that's my pseudo answer. Ask me again in another couple of years, or maybe by the middle of next year and I might have a difference answer too.
B: yeah, if I get pregnant your sister, then maybe you'll be more likely to get another one, have another one.
R: yeah, that's true. That would be true. Yeah. That would be a good reason.
B: don't count on that one.
B: So getting settled. Do you think you will ever get settled?
R: yeah, yeah...I mean I laugh at this one too because...my first question is: can you define settled? Because there are some elements of settled that I really crave right now. And then there are other things that I don't think I can ever picture myself in that way. We've been on the road since, when is it, pretty much since early December of last year when we drove our car from New York out to California and then we no longer have a proper address as of February. And we have travel plans through the end of this year and then by January I'm kinda done. I'm hitting my max so. Yes, think I will be getting settled soon, and what that means and what that looks like I'm not really sure. That still draws a bit of a blank for me, to be honest.
B: yeah, but it sounds like you want a place that you can keep your stuff and know you can come back to but you don't want it in suburbia, because I agree, that's not who you, or your family is.
R: yeah
B: Is not having a home stressful for you? How is that affecting your health and happiness?
R: oh, that's a good question. It's hard to say how it's affecting me but there are times when it is really stressful. For sure, there are times when it's like...currently I am sitting at, she's a practitioner so a peer for James, and has become a really great friend. A beautiful woman and great family. And I am sitting in the bedroom that they have offered to us and I am doing this call with you. And as beautiful and wonderful as this is, it's really challenging to figure out your work space and Kali space and not really have help. We're also in the Bronx, in a bit of a rural area. And it's beautiful, it's right next to the Hudson River, there's an outdoor space. But it also means I am very limited in my ability to come and go and to figure out my space. And I think that's the most stressful thing is just when I need to work or if I am juggling Kali and other things, how do I do this. And how do I do this on my own? James helps out when he can but we're back in New York predominately for things he needs to do for work. So he is full on with his team right now. So that parts stressful I think it tends to some days wear on me more than others. But I think it is predominantly work related. When I have a lot of work things, or projects that I am thinking about, that I can't be pres...I'm not as good as being present and ok with..."what are we doing today?" And just come up with some random plan.
B: But you like to live life off the cuff
R: Yeah that's true.
B: maybe, maybe
R: I mean for the most part yeah. I think that's why having that stability, right? Having a homebase gives me, would give me, at least in my mind right now, give me some kinda foundation and stability so the rest of the things can be more off the cuff, and it's easier to go in the flow that way.
B: yeah, exactly. You know from my own experience, my experience, that having a homebase, for me, helps me relax.
R: yeah
B: and so, it gives you more freedom. Structure or homebase, however you want to define it, is this form of freedom in a way.
R: yeah, yeah.
B: I think so many people think that freedom is no structure. What's your opinion?
R: Yeah, I definitely think having that structure, and they talk about this with kids, for sure, giving them structure helps children to feel more safe and therefor can be more free to themselves, free to be themselves. So, yeah, I think that it's true for me as well. Just having some kind of structure, which I do have, I think I do, I don't know do I have structure?
B: yeah
R: I have some consistency
B: yeah, you do
R: I think I'm just getting tired of packing. Oh, what do I need for this next like, 3 weeks? And then having to cart stuff around. And I can strip that down but then now I'm like living out of nothing for the next 3 weeks. And finding that right balance too is what I think is part of the challenge. Which can be really fun actually, sometimes I really love that and sometimes it can be exhausting.
B: So, how do you see your role in your job changing as time goes on?
R: I love this question. When I first thought about this question, yeah this is great because it essentially means that change is inevitable. One of the things about me is I am a manifester which is if you are familiar with Human Design is system that I really like. But a manifester has quick energy, and so part of me thinks things need to happen quickly all of the time. The dog agreed.
B: yeah
R: I am learning, and recognizing, that in my team things can't always happen as quickly as they happen in my mind. And, I know that, part of my role in Lettuce Design needs to shift because I really want to be more out in the forefront speaking with people and networking and collaborating on cool projects and figuring out how I can help people start their projects and just be more consulting and networking. Right now I am still doing a decent amount of project management, which is great, I really love working with my clients but it's hard to juggle all of that and travel, and want to really reach out with the #mumboss thing because there is so much. The response that I have gotten from people...I have men my age listening to the show, I have younger 20 something listening to the show that don't have kids yet, I have 60 year old plus listening to the show...and that's really amazing and I want to pursue that too. And in order to really put more energy and effort into that, my role at Lettuce does have to shift. I can't spend as much time working on some of the things I am doing now. And I know my team wants that too because what they really want is for me to be out there talking to people too.
B: So has, because #mumboss has been taking a lot of time and effort for you, has it been worth it? Has it been rewarding? I mean it sounds like it has.
R: yeah, it really...I started on this venture. My first idea, this is actually a little peak into season 2...my first idea with it was to straight up interview other women I considered to be #mumbosses. Then as I started doing it, this was cool, but I don't think I had a clear vision for myself of what #mumboss was about. So, this first season has been all about me exploring what the heck does #mumboss mean. You know like I can say it as a phrase but until you are in it, it's like..."oh, ok". So it's been an incredibly, I think incredibly valuable for me in just exploring that. It's touched a lot of people. I would say the main thread, or the main theme that I get from people is the appreciation for the authenticity. And I feel really passionate about that part. Even in the next season when I am going to be interviewing other people, I think there needs to be this adherence to being real. So many of us are looking for that in this very media laden, and very polished world. Everybody is trying to make everything look so perfect and feel so perfect. We know the reality is that is not true every moment, of every day, even if you are one of those people that I try to be, which is to always find gratitude and appreciation in everything, there are times when it is hard and I think we need to acknowledge that. But, I think for me it's been a very healing journey and an incredible creative outlet and it's got for me percolating all these ideas for the future...as well as one of the main things I am excited about too is another way to connect with people, another way to connect with other #mumbosses out there and other women, and even men, who, are either have kids, or are interested in having kids and are wondering how do you do this? Juggling the life, mom, work, travel balance, you want, each woman wants for herself.
B: yeah, I can see how it can be really educational for husbands to have more insider view of what goes on inside the mind of their wives.
R: yeah, exactly.
B: brings up the question about the last episode, episode 6 for any body who listened to it...I am sure a lot of us have this burning question, how did James, your husband, respond to the episode after he listened to it? How did he feel about it?
R: 'Cause, so here's the thing, Brook, you know that I didn't share it with James before it went live to the world so...when I came home one day and I saw him lying on the couch listening to it. I was like, huh? Hmmm....I don't know what he is going to say. He was really sweet. He was just very appreciative and said he really enjoyed the show. He has been so supportive of this journey and me as well. He know's it is something that I am excited about that. I think he has been enjoying his cameo appearances too.
B: yeah
R: 'sureboss you later'
B: ha
R: part of my goal with the last episode, in this vein of authenticity is to really share that, yeah it is challenging. Being married is not the easiest thing in the world but it's also the most beautiful and amazing thing to have a partner to do it with. Especially parenting. He is one of those people that is so open and willing to talk about things, and to work on things, and to figure out how we can make our lives better together. I am so appreciative and grateful for that. And he's been an incredible sport with this whole project.
B: Ah, I know that many of the people that I interact with and who have had the time to listen to your #mumboss podcast have been very appreciative of that because like you were saying on authenticity, when you post things like pictures and stuff on Facebook and Instagram, everybody's like their life is so picture perfect! So it's nice to hear the other story behind the scenes. You guys have an amazing time together. You get to travel the world and you totally love that and enjoy that, and you have the most amazing daughter. I'm not just saying that because I am related to her. She is pretty amazing. And you guys are beautiful physically as well as you have a beautiful connection amongst the three of you. But even with all of that there are hardships that you have to work through. It's nice that you are willing to share that. Thank you.
R: Thank you for that. It touched my heart. I think that's an interesting thing about the culture, I mean our own culture, in social media training I did, or I have done, they always talk about positive things get shared more frequently than negative things on Facebook. And of course, that's great because we really want to share positive things but I think it also feeds this concept of, our lives are always, that every moment of our day or life is a happy blissful one. Not to say that most of our time shouldn't be but we're human. I think we grapple with human emotions in our own...I think the biggest thing about thing with a toddler is when I have my own agenda and she has hers. As soon as you can let go of your own agenda and you can go with hers, so much easier. But that's not always a possibility, nor is it that healthy for her to think that she has control of the agenda of every moment of every day. But that's definitely where those moments come in, right? I'm trying to this and you're doing that...grrrr. Get on the same page as me! And I say that's true for any relationship, it's just the dynamic is a little bit different when it's mom and baby or mom and toddler.
B: well, I don't have any more questions. So, is there anything else you wanted to say?
R: It's been an amazing journey. I am so happy you were able to do this with me Brookie. You've been such an incredible backbone and supporter in this journey and I couldn't ask for anyone better to interview me at the end of this first season.
B: yay! Yeah, it's awesome. It's been a pleasure being a part of it too. And seeing the excitement that you have experienced doing this. See what comes out of it. Pretty cool.
Thank you so much for listening and stay tuned for episode 8, the final episode, where I recap the season, share my final thoughts on what it means to be a #mumboss, determine if am I one and let you know what's in store for season 2. If you liked this show please share with your friends and community, you can subscribe on itunes under the podcast app and rate it if you're feeling particularly friendly. Every little bit helps connect us together.
(K: Have a moment, I have a moment!)
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